Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
