marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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