At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
