If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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