just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
