my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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