Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Screwed.edu
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Randomize
