forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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