When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
it's like iHOP with fire
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
