my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
