He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
