Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
