Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
