whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
false alarm. still invincible.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
