Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
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