The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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