Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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