Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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