Soap is not a condiment
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
