You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
