how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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