Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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