I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
