Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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