No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
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