You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
