My nipple is on Facebook.
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
