It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
