I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
