You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
