sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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