I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Randomize
