The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
