Whod you bang
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
