I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
