We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
