i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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