hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
