ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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