mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
