sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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