hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
