then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
