Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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