The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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