Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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