If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
