I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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