Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Randomize
