I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
