if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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