My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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