oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Randomize
