Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
