I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
