Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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