i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
