You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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