i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
