once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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