Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize