I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
