It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I wear drunk well.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
