i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.