so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
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we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
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You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?