Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
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But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
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the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.