ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
