yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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